Her Thoughts~

Page 25 of 366

2012-01-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

I have so many things to get done. Time to switch on to full gear! *click*

So let's remind myself of all the things that I still need to cancel off!

1. Minerals Tutorial
2. Quiz 2 Revision (Water, Vitamins & Minerals)
3. ASR Project
4. ASR Essay
5. LAW Project
6. LAW Test
7. Newspaper Response
8. GenPsych Test
9. GenPsych Quizzes
10. PStats Assignment 2
11. PStats Test
12. World Issues Project

GIVE ME A BREAK... IN 2 MONTHS! Haha!

Page 9 of 366

2012-01-10T00:29:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the most awesome day in my TP life. It was nothing extravagant and there was not any special events. It was just a day spent with Anisah, Luqman, Syasya, Kida & Razlindah filled with laughter, joy, SWAY & SABOTAGE. Hehe!

You know how people always say, "Who needs boys when you've got awesome friends?" or something along the line? I believed that the statement was true but I have always been doubtful about it. Today, all my doubts have been washed away by the love and joy of friendship. :)

So, I've been admiring a guy (from far, sadly) for about a few months now since the start of the semester. Since I have not bumped into him for more than a month already, I decided to go to one of my subject lectures that I could definitely see him.

Well, apparently the coward girl here dragged along 3 of her friends, Anisah, Syasya & Kida, to follow her to the lecture. Luqman wanted to come along too so he could disturbed me. -.-

I thought they were gonna blend in just fine but I guess the lecturer was smarter and she picked Anisah and Luqman to answer her questions. THEY WERE NOT EVEN STUDENTS OF THE SUBJECT. #lol

In the end, they managed to answer the questions. Well, I thank God for giving me SMART friends. ;)

We laughed a lot during the lecture. I wished they were in the same CDS as me. ):

All these while, my 'crush' was there. So he kind of saw my clumsy side. Hehe~

But what really struck me was the fact that being able to finally see him was not the thing that made me happy and made my day. It was the company of friends that I had spent time with today. They made me laughed till my stomach hurt, smiled and best of all, they warmed my heart and make me feel so loved.

Did my 'crush' made me feel what they made me feel? Did he give me happiness? No! He made me feel nervous, anxious and totally not myself. I had this pressure to be perfect and all lovely in front of him. I could be anything in front of my friends and they would accept me for who I am. They would not judge me too. He might not accept me for who I am. WHO IS HE TO AFFECT ME AND MY FEELINGS? HE HAS NO RIGHTS. I WON'T LET HIM AFFECT ME.

But my friends are love. Thank you Allah for showing me that I have You and my awesome friends and family to make me happy. Alhamdullilah. Syukuran Ya Allah. :')

Chapter 7 of 366

2012-01-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

“It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.” - Perks of Being A Wallflower

I wonder if anyone ever had feelings for me before. No one has ever told me they had feelings for me before. I want to know if anyone does have feelings for me. I would show my appreciation towards the person. He would give me a different sense of confidence and boost my self-esteem. I would get to know him better and be his good friend even if I do not have the same feelings to return to him. I know it's going to be hard for him to just be my friend, but I'll try to get a girl that is better than me for him at the same time...

So many promises. So many of them.

Chapter 2 of 366

2012-01-02T01:22:00.001+08:00

Time check: 12:39am

I came across this great reminder from a girl's Facebook...

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, "When any of you sleeps through the prayer or forgets it, then let him pray it when he remembers, for Allah Mighty and Majestic says, 'Perform the prayer for my remembrance.'" [Sahih Muslim]
And yes, even when the designated time has passed, one is still required to 'pay his debt' once he remembers. Subhanallah :) :)

Amazing isn't it? Well, Islam is perfect but Muslims aren't.

Well, I think this serves as a good reminder for me to do my prayers. Yes, I admit, sometimes time is not on our side and we eventually end up not being able to do our prayers within the designated time. BUT even though we have missed it, we should never forget to pay it back.

I'm sure Allah S.W.T. understands. But we also must make the effort to not miss our prayers. Syaitan loves to distract and disturb us. That's why we must never submit to them.

But, we should also not make it look like it's okay to qada and just miss our prayers when we feel like it.

Remember, Allah S.W.T. is watching us and He knows us best.

My name is Diyana and I lack of self-esteem.

2011-12-31T02:27:00.001+08:00

"From what I've seen, the people who are the strongest on the outside are the ones who are the weakest and softest on the inside."

A great friend of mine said this today and it hit me. I could relate to the statement so well. Every inch of my soul understood the meaning of being all strong on the outside and totally weak on the inside.

I've always been lacking in something. It's affecting me more and more these days.

It's my self-confidence that I am talking about.

I look like the kind of girl who is strong and very confident of what she is doing. Well, sadly, that is just a mask. Deep down inside, I am very vulnerable and lack that confidence that everyone thought I had in me.

I don't know how my self-confidence plunged. Well, I think I know.

I have always been called or teased for being fat. Yes, fat. Well, not always. But when people make fun of my weight, I thought it would not affect me but it somehow did. At first, it affected me really bad. But now, I'm rather immune to it though it still hurts. Sometimes, it hurts so bad.

When I'm alone, I think about all the not-so nice comments about my weight and appearance and I feel like a piece of junk. Like I'm not worthy to be love. Sometimes I cry about it because it still hurts.

I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE BIG FRONT TEETH. I WANT TO BE LIKE THE OTHER PRETTY GIRLS OUT THERE. I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS JUST ONCE, TO BE NOTICED BY A GUY. I WANT TO KNOW HOW IT FEELS FOR A GUY TO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU.

How can it be possible for a guy to be attracted to you when you are just a body of fats and pure crap? How is it possible when you are full of flaws that get pointed out each and every single day? Someone just tell me! )':

My mum always tells me that good looks don't mean anything when you have an ugly heart. True that. That's why I always aim to be a good and sincere person. But it feels like it's not enough. This just mean that I have no inner and outer beauty. Ugly both inside and outside.

It hurts. So. Bad.

2011's Essay!

2011-12-30T00:25:00.000+08:00

I promised myself that I will write a very very very long post on 2011. I don't want to carry any extra baggage in me that belonged this year. I want to start 2012 somewhat fresh and new.

2011 was the start of my Polytechnic life. Thus, it was the highlight of my year. So how was it?

Ahah. Not quite what I expected. Poly's not just about fun and slacking, like what I thought it would be like. It requires a lot of consistent effort and hard work. I'm glad I was given the opportunity to have a sneak peek of my life in poly thanks to the DPA PPP. Yes, DPA was the grand opening to my poly life. I couldn't ask for a better opening. The experience and memories that DPA has given me was just too awesome and could not be fully described with words. I wouldn't mind repeating it all over again though there were one or two things that I would remove. Heh.

Through DPA was where I got to meet my first bunch of friends in TP. They are a lovely bunch. I'm still glad that we are still in contact and acknowledge each other. Some names worth mentioning are Syasya, Zuella Baby, Pee Wee, Mei Yi & Nikki! :)

That was in February. Japanese, TNS, Temasek Green, going to school everyday with Bella, HSS SDP & the empty school. All of that happened from February until April.

April onwards was when the real deal started. DPA PPP was a breeze. 1.1 wasn't. Thank God I used the time I had during DPA PPP to adapt myself to the new environment.

I was very focused on my end-of-semester goal although I sidetracked at times. Oops! What was my goal? The Tsao Foundation Scholarship, of course! <3 <3 <3

Alhamdullilah, with a GPA of 3.96, I managed to achieved my goal. Only God knows how badly I wanted the scholarship and how much it meant to me. I don't know about you but I don't really like going to school. No one really does actually. But when I think of all the sacrifices that my parents have made and all the money spent on me, I knew I had to make them proud.

This scholarship gave a new found meaning in life. It showed me that my dreams and goals are achievable and nothing is impossible. My achievements would not have been possible if it was not for my parents' never ending love and support. I feel truly blessed to be their daughter.

Yes, like I've said, school was not a breeze. I remembered staying up the whole night without a wink of sleep just to complete my group's Sociology project which was due for presentation the next day. Ah! Terrible terrible!

1.2 is proving to be a tsunami. Time gets shorter and the modules are getting tougher and tougher. But I shall preserve and provide strength to my friends.

AELTC was the event that ended my year. I had a really tough time. But thanks to the guidance from my fellow seniors, it went SURPRISINGLY good. Although, I should have been stronger and not break down on the 2nd day. But I'm a stronger girl now. :) Well, I hope so.

This year, I also managed to fast without missing any days. Syukur syukur syukur. I've learned so much during Ramadhan this year.

There's still a lot for me to improve on. I really want to be a good Muslimah. Ya Allah, please guide me through this journey.

New Year Resolutions? Well...

1. To stop whining a lot
2. To stop complaining a lot
3. Have more confidence in myself and my capabilities